Sunday, November 27, 2005

Selfish

Just days after knitbloggers around the world (or at least around the nation) wrote heartfelt entries about the things for which they were thankful, I'm going to write about selfishness.

I freely admit that I like to use this blog to show off (Look at my Reversible Rib Shawl! lookie lookie!), but overall, I'm a fairly private person. I don't often share my feelings or the minutiae of my daily life because I don't feel comfortable doing that. But lately, my desire to protect my privacy is being challenged by my desire to show off. I'm talking about my self-designed sweater.

I started contemplating this sweater months ago. I knew I wanted to design a sweater. I knew I wanted it to be red. And from there, my vision for the sweater has grown and developed as I studied stitch patterns and sweaters. By the time I first mentioned designing my own sweater on this blog, I had already spent many hours of many days thinking, swatching, and rethinking the sweater. I didn't want to show of my design until the whole sweater was done. I didn't want to let anyone into my little design world. I seriously considered NOT blogging about the sweater at all until I posted finished object photos.

But then another one of my personality quirks reared its ugly head. This quirk is called Insecurity. Insecurity was accompanied by its friend Anxiety. I finished the back of my sweater and I suddenly decided that it wasn't good enough. It didn't look right. I was making a mess of things with expensive yarn. So, I needed validation. I put this up, and asked the people on the Knittyboard for opinions.

Luckily for me, I received a ton of positive comments and words of encouragement. The Show-Off in me was pleased as Punch and lapped up all the nice words. Unluckily for me, I was also inundated with questions about the rest of the sweater and request for the pattern. At first the Show-Off started elaborating on the design and promised to post the pattern in at least one size.

But in the next few days the Private me started to pout. "It's MY sweater. Not yours. You don't have to know what I'm thinking. I don't want you to have one. It's MINE." Yes, I had an attack of selfishness. But is it really wrong to be selfish about this? I've already spent a lot of time coming up with an idea, working the math, and now knitting. Is it wrong to want of a one-of-a-kind sweater? Oh sure, someone might see my sweater and copy it, but he or she will have to do similar work that I had to do, so he or she deserves it. And the sweater he or she creates won't be exactly my sweater, either.

Oh I will probably post the pattern eventually. Maybe. Please don't be mad if I don't. I'm almost done with the knitting. You will see the sweater in all its glory by the end of next week at the latest. Meanwhile, here's a free pattern for you:

Catnip: Drugs for Cats

Cat Toy
Cast on a bunch of stitches.
Knit until you get tired or bored or you almost run out of yarn.
Fold in half, sew up two sides, fill with polyfill and catnip.
Fight off cats while sewing last seam.
Throw in general direction of cats and let them fight over it.

8 comments:

Jennifer said...

You go ahead and be selfish. I understand and like you anyway!

Love the cat toy pattern, especially the fighting off the cats part.

Cordelia said...

Oh, she (he?) is so cute! I love tabbies.
I agree w/tabbytuxedo & say you should be as selfish as you want. However, I do want to make sure you've considered the possible pride of knowing dozens or hundreds of people are wearing a sweater that _you_ designed?

Stoat said...

hee. you amuse me. ;)

i think that at first you should post bee-yoo-ti-ful pictures of you wearing your wonderful creation. and only after the joy of that has worn off -- or maybe once you have created even more original creations! -- then post the pattern.

amylovie said...

It feels good to be selfish. You have every right to. I certainly won't begrudge you because I'm guiltly of it myself.

You can come roll around in the shop any 'ol time you like. :)

Amy

Trillian42 said...

Don't post the pattern unless you are SURE you want to. If you post it when you aren't sure about it, you are going to feel slightly cheated out of the specialness of your sweater, and you probably won't wear or enjoy it as much.
Pam

Laura said...

I agree. Don't feel bad about keeping your sweater to yourself! And what a cute cat picture!

Agnes said...

You do whatever you like ... selfish or not ... it's not like things that hurt others. Maybe when you come up with more designs, you'd feel more comfortable sharing with others.
Yes, I have the Stitchionary book sent to me by Crafters' Choice. They have a 50% off all book earlier, so I chose this one. I'm sure you'll like it too.

Rachel said...

Hey, that is MY cat toy pattern! Is it so wrong for me to want a one-of-a-kind cat toy??

I'm just teasing you. I think you're totally justified in hanging on to it for yourself. I think we should all just be grateful that we get to look at photos of such lovely knitwear. I can't wait to see it.